I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
