I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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