Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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