Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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