your room smells of hookers.
And success
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
