Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
