She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
