okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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