I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
