Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
