i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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