I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
