I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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