My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
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please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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