just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize