i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
