I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
