When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
