Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
