I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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