I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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