It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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