I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
