She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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