I want you more than these girls want KFC
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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