No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
