I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
