Me. At least after what I've been through.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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