I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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