I hope mine doesn't look like that
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
