just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
