Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
