@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
