Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
