Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
