Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..