He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?