if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
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I wish you could order shots online.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?