spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
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I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
