Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
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This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
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Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.