we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I supernannyed him into submission
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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