Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
