She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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