I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
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