I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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