Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
