tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
