i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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