my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
