So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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