I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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