it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
