I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
