do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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