I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
