you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
