im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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