Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
