So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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