I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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