when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
