i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
