I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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