The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
