I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
