the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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