Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am available for nakedness
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
