i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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