About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
