we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
