i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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