so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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