Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize