All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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