I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
