He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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