i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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