4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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