he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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