I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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