she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
