he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
